I Wish He Knew

My kids left yesterday (Wednesday) at 5:00pm to go to their other home with their Dad.

They won't be back with me until 9:00am Tuesday morning. That seems like forever at this point, though I know it's not.

Usually Wednesday evenings are date nights for me and my husband, but I didn't feel like going out.

I'm trying to get it together so that we can go out tonight instead.

But ... something is bothering me.

It's the same thing that bothers me from time to time, over the years. It's the thing that I feel helpless to do anything about. It's the train wreck that shows itself to me through my children's actions and words about their lives at Dad's.

It's what I wish "He" knew...

"He" ... being my ex-husband. Father of my children. The man I was with and married too for almost 10 years. The man who abandoned our oldest daughter. It's the man I haven't spoken a verbal word too in over 3 years. It's the man that I have forgiven now... the man I actually feel sorry for...

For what I wish he knew...

And what I wish he knew... Is all the things I know.

Things like how my children feel about him and their stepmother. Things like how they would live with me in a heartbeat if I lived in "Dad's" neighborhood.

Things like...

How I stick up for him when my children complain about him.

How my sacrifice to actually stay put, living in the same neighborhood we all peacefully lived in once, has actually bought him more time with his own kids, because they're forced to live in both homes. And hopefully the children will mature enough (past their Father even) to come to terms with the unfairness of their situation to understand that Dad must have done the best he could at the time with what he had.

I wish he knew things like...

How I gently push my children towards accepting him to try and maintain a relationship with him, for after all... he is their Father.

I wish he knew how they feel the need to smuggle "their own personal possession's" between "their" homes.


I wish he knew how our son will not share his drawings and comic series with them because his step mom will comment that he should be studying instead of drawing.

I wish he knew how annoyed our children are that their step mom still insists on marking their underwear and bras with their initials in permanent black marker.

I wish he knew how sadly guarded our children have become when expressing themselves in his home.

I wish he knew the psychological games our children have had to master in order to cope in his home.

I wish he knew that the counselor I used to take the children too said that the one and only person who actually needs the counseling is their Father, not the children.

I wish he knew how our kids hope and pray that their Dad will pick them up from me instead of their step mom, because she will complain, harass and badger them all the 23 miles to their other home.

I wish he knew how upsetting it is for our children when their step mom talks bad about me or their older sister in front of them.

I wish he knew how many times our 15 year old daughter has called me crying from his house.

I wish he knew how often I've pleaded with the kids to communicate their feelings to their Dad.

There are truly a hundred things I wish he knew, but most of all...

I wish he knew that these kids don't plan on having a relationship with him when they actually have a choice about it.

I wish I could stop what is in the works, but I know that I can't.

I couldn't stop it between he and I.

I couldn't stop it between he and our oldest daughter.

I wish I could fix it.

I wish he knew that our youngest daughter just called me from his house this very second, said a couple of things about what she was doing today, and then whispered quickly "Dad's coming... I gotta go... love you... miss you already... bye" ... as if she's not "allowed" to be speaking to her Mother while at that house.

I wish he knew...

Sweet Sounds Of Summer

For the last couple of days, my next door neighbors K & M have been teaching their oldest son, K Junior to ride a two wheeler.

Back and forth the little guy goes past my house, followed by a parade of siblings chasing after him on foot.

K Juniors Dad will count...

One...
Two...
Three...

And then off little K Junior goes ... trying to master it.

I can hear encouraging shouts of "Pedal, Pedal... PEDAL" from his Dad.

His Mom can be heard from her watchful post on the porch steps saying "Ohhhhhhhh .... you almost had it" when he falls down.

K Juniors younger siblings make excellent cheerleaders.

Is there any nicer sound?

Oh wait... here comes the ice cream truck!

Ahhhh.... The Sweet Sounds of Summer!

Summer Vacation ~ Day 1

Today is Monday June 16th.

It is the first official day of my children's summer vacation.

No lunches to pack.

No 23 mile drive to the school to drop them off.

No 23 mile drive to the school to pick them up.

No after school practice, game or study session.

No homework.

My husband is working from home today.

There are 3 kids and 1 adult in the pool playing volleyball.

There are 3 more kids on their way over to swim.

There are beach towels strewn all over the deck.

Every window in the house is open.

It is a warm, breezy, mostly sunny day.

I can hear the sounds of water splashing and laughter all through the house.

Life is good!

Out Of Towners

My Mom and Aunt Betty drove up here to Michigan from Knoxville Tennessee to visit with us for a few days. They are staying at my sisters house.

So we have plans together everyday while they are here.

I went to my sisters house yesterday with the kids to visit with them. The kids (cousins) played and we had a nice time.

Today, my sister, Mom, Aunt and I spent the day down town. We went to Greektown for lunch and stopped by the fabulous bakery to bring treats home to our families.

Tomorrow, we are all meeting at a Mexican restaurant for lunch and then off to a movie.

Saturday, everyone is coming to our house for the day for a BBQ. My oldest daughter will be off work, so she'll be able to come with her daughter. All my Mom's grand kids will be here. There will be 4 generations in my house.

Weak Internet Signal

We have cable internet service and at one time the internet service wouldn't stay connected. It kept disconnecting (right in the middle of my work which was driving me nuts) The constant disconnections were because of a weak signal due to the cable splitters we had connected to all the TV's in the house. So my husband made an adjustment to make sure my computer wasn't splitting the signal with anything else. And that worked.

Until 3 days ago.

For the last three days, I have been disconnected from the internet more than I've been connected. We called the cable company and they said we had a bad modem. We went to Best Buy to buy a new modem. Nope... that's not it.

My husband "attempted" to work from home today, but found himself disconnected almost the entire afternoon.

So now we don't know what's causing the problem. Obviously I'm connected right now. So my husband is catching up from all the work he missed from being down this afternoon. I've got to go catch up too because I got so sick of it disconnecting me right in the middle of work, that I just stopped trying.

I hope we get it worked out soon. Our land phone line is connected through the computer, so when the internet goes down, so does our ability to receive or make calls on our house phone. (We have cell phones, so we're not desperate, but this is annoying to say the least)

Visiting Day

I have a nice day planned this sunny Thursday.

I'm having my monthly lunch date with my friend today. We are having Thai food, yum.

Then a little shopping after lunch since I'll already be out and about.

I'd like to get my bedroom dusted and vacuumed, but we'll see how that pans out.

My husbands brother is flying home this evening to attend a golf outing in northern Michigan for the next 4 days. He moved to Connecticut a few years back, but he comes home at least a couple of times a year. We're picking him up from the airport at about 6:00pm and then heading downtown to the casino.

Then tomorrow is Friday again.

This week flew by.

It's supposed to be in the 90's tomorrow. I almost can't believe that, since it's been unseasonable cool for months now. It will be a hot and humid weekend. We'll probably have to run the AC. Humidity zaps the energy right out of me and sometimes gives me a headache.

The Detroit Red Wings won the Stanley Cup. I could hear all the horns blowing from cars last night and some folks were shooting off fireworks. A little good news for Detroit right now is just what we need. All the celebrators behaved themselves too... so that's good.

The View I Love The Most

The view from my front porch

holds a man that I love so dearly. A man that never ever raises his voice, doesn't curse and makes me laugh every single day.

The view from my front porch

holds a visit from my grown daughter every now and then with ice cream and McDonalds for her sister and brother and a kiss for me.

The view from my front porch

holds a teenager girl with blond hair, blue eyes and the most beautiful smile you've ever seen.

The view from my front porch

holds the last baby (boy) I'll ever have who has just become a teenager, yet still says "I love you Mom"

The view from my front porch

holds the precious granddaughter that we didn't know we needed so badly or could love so much.

Yeah... The view I love the most, ... is my front porch looking in ...
(Lonestar)