The Step Drama Conclusion

I picked up my kids this morning from their Dad's house. They've been with him and their Step Mom for the last 5 days. (They'll be with me and Step Dad (their other Dad, they call him) for the next 9 days.)

A conversation ensues as soon as I back out of ex's driveway.

Daughter - "Friday was the best day of my life. Chris (Step Mom) was having a complete melt down. She was throwing things, screaming and swearing."

Me - "How does that become the best day of your life?"

Daughter - "Because Dad finally yelled back at her. He told her she was self-centered and that he was sick of her melt downs and tantrums. He said that she thinks of no one else, but herself."


Wow! Hallelujah! Their Father is finally standing up to her. It's about freaking time!

He may actually NOT loose his kids if he can manage to retrain his 2nd wife on the proper way to behave and treat him and his children.


There's a favorite line that Dr. Phil always says and that is:

"You treat people how to treat you."

It's so true.!

Everyone's been walking on egg shells around Step Mom for so long now. Nobody wants to put her in her place or call her out because she's trying to have a baby and can't. Oh well... sorry about that. I honestly am. But you can't just be a witch forever because life didn't go the way you wanted it to.

And my ex-husband can't allow his wife to do and say mean things to our children because she is hurting over the cards she was dealt. He can't sacrifice our children because she is on hormones. I'm sure his wife isn't screaming, swearing and throwing things at her place of work. That wouldn't be allowed. But she's been able to get away with horrible behavior in her own home for so long and hopefully it will get better now.

Anyway... the kids are here now. They are excited about our vacation and are helping each other pack.

The drama is over for us for the next 9 days.

(But not for my ex-husband, I'll bet ... *wink* *wink*)

What Did She Just Say??

Five weeks ago, I gave the dates to my ex-husband for my two 9-Day, uninterrupted vacations, that he and I both get during the summer with our kids. These uninterrupted vacations over-rule our normal split custody.

I took my first vacation with the kids a couple of weeks ago.

My second vacation with them starts tomorrow (7/22).

My daughter calls me yesterday (Sunday 7/20) and here is our short conversation.

"I'm forced to call you."

"What's going on?"

"Dad & Chris told me to call you to find out what we're doing on vacation with you."

"Why?"

"Because they want me to go to Volleyball camp. I don't even want to go. It's not through the school. And we're going to be on vacation, right?"

"Well, when is volleyball camp?"

"Tommorrow."

"WHAT? Tomorrow as in day after today????"

"Yes."

"Well, I'm sorry, you'll be unable to go. We will be on vacation then. We're going to CP & SC for a couple of days."

"That's what I told Chris (Step Mom) and she said,
well... your Mom can change her dates on that."

NOW...

Insert LOUD HYSTERICAL UNCONTROLLABLE laughter here as I try to spit out coherent words in response to that RIDICULOUS statement...

"Ummmmm, *Snort* *ROTF* I am not changing my dates on anything. Have your Father email me if he'd like to discuss it."

"Ok, that's what I'll tell them."

And we hang up.


SIDE BAR 1:
My ex-husband and his wife are FOREVER signing my kids up for stuff, year round, non stop WITH never a consultation or inquiry to me about it. Even when it interferes with my court ordered parenting time. We have gone back and forth on this for years and I won't go any deeper into that drama today, but lets just say, that I am very accommodating to my children's' sports schedules because it's something my kids want to do. I adjust my schedule for my children.

I have let my ex-husband know that I will happily cooperate with schedule adjustments so that "J" (our son) can play hockey in the fall/winter and lacrosse in the spring. "S" (our daughter) can play any school sport or be involved with anything through her high school during the school year. BUT there are to be NO COMMITMENTS during the summer. If you choose to sign them up for "stuff" in the summer, they will NOT be available during my court ordered parenting time.

(As a Mother who values time with my kids, family & friends, I don't think it's too much to ask that my children have some "down-time" from constant commitments and continuous weekend games/practices/tournaments for the precious 2 1/2 months of summer vacation)

SIDE BAR 2:
Did I not give him/them 5 weeks notice on this vacation?
Do they have their heads so far up their a$$'s in attempts to produce yet another child to neglect, that they can't manage to mention "volleyball camp" a little sooner than TWO DAYS BEFORE IT STARTS??? HELLLLLOOOOOOOOO???????

We could have switched our plans with proper notice. My husband took 3 days off of work this week. We are NOT changing our plans with two days notice because they don't have their crap together. DUH!!



What NERVE! I can't even believe that Biotch had the hormonal balls to say "well... your Mom can change her dates on that."

But then again, I can.

You gotta almost feel sorry for the crazy woman. Poor thing. She can't control what we do on our time and it drives her batty.


So my daughter called today to tell me her Step Mom's response to us being on vacation at CP & SC.

"Chris said,... well maybe we're not going to pay for you to play volleyball and soccer this year, since you're obviously not committed."


WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY????

My vacation, planned FIVE WEEKS AGO! has nothing to do with my daughters commitment to her sports.

I am the parent. I made vacation plans with MY kids as I have the RIGHT to do.

DO NOT VISIT YOUR ANGER OF YOUR INABILITY TO CONTROL ME, ON MY DAUGHTER!!!

God! That Biotch makes me so mad. She's just talking out of her a$$ and is constantly making threatening comments such as that, like the immature baby that she is, just to hurt and assert her power over my kids.

Take your "hostile uterus" and Go to He11!

Cause "we're going on vacation!"

I Wish He Knew

My kids left yesterday (Wednesday) at 5:00pm to go to their other home with their Dad.

They won't be back with me until 9:00am Tuesday morning. That seems like forever at this point, though I know it's not.

Usually Wednesday evenings are date nights for me and my husband, but I didn't feel like going out.

I'm trying to get it together so that we can go out tonight instead.

But ... something is bothering me.

It's the same thing that bothers me from time to time, over the years. It's the thing that I feel helpless to do anything about. It's the train wreck that shows itself to me through my children's actions and words about their lives at Dad's.

It's what I wish "He" knew...

"He" ... being my ex-husband. Father of my children. The man I was with and married too for almost 10 years. The man who abandoned our oldest daughter. It's the man I haven't spoken a verbal word too in over 3 years. It's the man that I have forgiven now... the man I actually feel sorry for...

For what I wish he knew...

And what I wish he knew... Is all the things I know.

Things like how my children feel about him and their stepmother. Things like how they would live with me in a heartbeat if I lived in "Dad's" neighborhood.

Things like...

How I stick up for him when my children complain about him.

How my sacrifice to actually stay put, living in the same neighborhood we all peacefully lived in once, has actually bought him more time with his own kids, because they're forced to live in both homes. And hopefully the children will mature enough (past their Father even) to come to terms with the unfairness of their situation to understand that Dad must have done the best he could at the time with what he had.

I wish he knew things like...

How I gently push my children towards accepting him to try and maintain a relationship with him, for after all... he is their Father.

I wish he knew how they feel the need to smuggle "their own personal possession's" between "their" homes.


I wish he knew how our son will not share his drawings and comic series with them because his step mom will comment that he should be studying instead of drawing.

I wish he knew how annoyed our children are that their step mom still insists on marking their underwear and bras with their initials in permanent black marker.

I wish he knew how sadly guarded our children have become when expressing themselves in his home.

I wish he knew the psychological games our children have had to master in order to cope in his home.

I wish he knew that the counselor I used to take the children too said that the one and only person who actually needs the counseling is their Father, not the children.

I wish he knew how our kids hope and pray that their Dad will pick them up from me instead of their step mom, because she will complain, harass and badger them all the 23 miles to their other home.

I wish he knew how upsetting it is for our children when their step mom talks bad about me or their older sister in front of them.

I wish he knew how many times our 15 year old daughter has called me crying from his house.

I wish he knew how often I've pleaded with the kids to communicate their feelings to their Dad.

There are truly a hundred things I wish he knew, but most of all...

I wish he knew that these kids don't plan on having a relationship with him when they actually have a choice about it.

I wish I could stop what is in the works, but I know that I can't.

I couldn't stop it between he and I.

I couldn't stop it between he and our oldest daughter.

I wish I could fix it.

I wish he knew that our youngest daughter just called me from his house this very second, said a couple of things about what she was doing today, and then whispered quickly "Dad's coming... I gotta go... love you... miss you already... bye" ... as if she's not "allowed" to be speaking to her Mother while at that house.

I wish he knew...