I am the MOM and I was here FIRST!

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I am a 44 year old mother of three children and grandmother of one. I am divorced from my children's father whom I share joint physical custody of our youngest two children with. I have been married to my fabulous husband for over 9 near-perfect years. I LOVE this man! He is a wonderful generous, affectionate, tolerant and all forgiving husband. He is also a terrific step-dad/male role model to my kids and an even better grand father to our two year old grand daughter. My oldest daughter attends college to obtain her nursing degree. She has been on her own for over three years now (no longer part of a shared custody arrangement like her brother & sister) My middle daughter is in high school and plays on the freshmen volleyball & soccer teams. She's really creative and talented. My son is in middle school and plays hockey and lacrosse. He is a sweet sensitive boy who still says "I love you Mom" frequently. I work part time running an online ebay store. I have terrific and supportive relationships with my family, friends and of course my kids. I am extremely close to my sister, my Mom and my sister-in-laws. They are my best friends.


Monday, July 21, 2008

Stepmama Drama

I have avoided posting, in detail, the fact that my children's Step mom has been trying to have a child of her own with my ex-husband. (She has no children).

The go of it has been unsuccessful for them for at least of couple of years now.

Not that it is any of my business, I personally, along with many others, do not believe that my ex-husband actually wants any more children. He had 3 at one time, stopped talking to the oldest, has no idea how many times the middle one wants to walk away from him ... so, why would he really want to attempt his fate with more? I'm sure he "goes along" with his 2nd wife's desire and need to have a child between them, because... gee... what else can he do? Besides, if the child care responsibilities are anything like they were when I was married to him, she'll be doing most of the work, but I digress...

His 2nd wife has a "hostile uterus" as she herself has exclaimed the doctor's told her in one of her blog posts.


A hostile uterus??

Go figure, right??

Could it possibly be the cortisol that obviously runs through her veins from the constant stress she brings on herself, by trying to pretend I don't exist or ever slept with the man she is now married too???

She actually blamed me once for her inability to get pregnant, in yet another blog post, because I referenced the church I married my ex-husband in at one of my daughters volleyball games when my daughter was playing that same Catholic school. (Next time, don't sit so close to me and you won't have to eavesdrop on my conversations that aren't with you in the first place)

There I go again straying from the point of the post ... sorry.

Anyway, they/she tried everything, including in vitro as recently as July 4th of this year and apparently, the three eggs implanted, did not "stick".

I honestly do not take any pleasure in her inability to get pregnant. I'm not a hurtful hateful person. I am only interested how "what she does" and "what she says" affects my children. Period.

Unfortunately, my children are in "that house" while their Step mom suffers with her sad news, until tomorrow morning at 9:00am, when I pick them up for their next 9 day vacation with me.

My kids have called me often since they went to their Dad's Wednesday evening with claims of not being able to wait to get back home with me.

"We have so much to tell you Mom when you pick us up on Tuesday. Me and "J" (my son) can't wait to get out of here."

My kids aren't supposed to even know they're trying to have a baby. "They" (ex-husband and Step Mom) haven't discussed it with the children, BUT because of frequent screaming sessions and chats in "the crying room" (the basement where Step Mom goes to vent), used pregnancy tests found in the trash, and overheard phone conversations, my kids started asking me questions a long time ago and they know. DUH!

They know that "their college funds" have been tapped.

They know that "they" (ex-husband & Step Mom) can't afford ANYTHING. At all. Ever. (And that somehow, this is also supposed to be attributed to me, because Jesus H. Christ, ex-hubby had to pay me child support 5 YEARS AGO, when they DROVE the oldest daughter to come live with me full time. They paid child support for 9 months 5 years ago. Are they in debt over that???)

Did I stray again?

I did, didn't I?

So ... I imagine it's been pretty stressful over there at Dad's house this past week.

Understandably so.

Poor kids. I'm sure it's not been much of a summer vacation while having to deal with the trauma over there, yet not having the ability to speak of it or ask questions.

Tune in tomorrow when they spill the beans to me over our 23 mile trip back home ...


Amy said...

Oh I am so sorry for what your kids are having to go thru. I really can empathize. After 9 years of no support, no phone calls, and not so much as a birthday or Christmas card- my ex's new girlfriend gave birth to a baby. He put his name on the birth certificate to (and I quote him here as he told his cousin) keep him from going to prison on the charges they have against him for drugs. This is the 3rd girlfriend he's had that they've "tried to have a baby" Personally, I find this really stupid on the girls parts. He's been no type of father to my kids- what makes them think he's such good father material to get pregnant.

It's great though that your kids are able to talk to you about it! Good luck!

I am the MOM said...

Hi Amy,
Yeah, I just don't get people sometimes. Thanks for stopping by.

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Anonymous said...

I read a few of your posts but I keep going back to the name of your blog...it makes you sound bitter. It’s the I was here first, I am more important, I am better, I am more loved, blah blah blah attitude that creates a lot of the tension and struggle children live through. If you are not willing to admit you are at least part of the problem then that speaks for itself. Children’s first opinions are learned from the adults raising them. We can all do better and put more effort into supporting each other...even if we don’t agree or like each other. We put on a happy face, discourage talking negative about each other, refuse to participate in the “reporting back game” children play because they want to please the parent they report to, we love and support even when we don’t want to. We lay the foundation our children walk on.