I am the MOM and I was here FIRST!

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I am a 44 year old mother of three children and grandmother of one. I am divorced from my children's father whom I share joint physical custody of our youngest two children with. I have been married to my fabulous husband for over 9 near-perfect years. I LOVE this man! He is a wonderful generous, affectionate, tolerant and all forgiving husband. He is also a terrific step-dad/male role model to my kids and an even better grand father to our two year old grand daughter. My oldest daughter attends college to obtain her nursing degree. She has been on her own for over three years now (no longer part of a shared custody arrangement like her brother & sister) My middle daughter is in high school and plays on the freshmen volleyball & soccer teams. She's really creative and talented. My son is in middle school and plays hockey and lacrosse. He is a sweet sensitive boy who still says "I love you Mom" frequently. I work part time running an online ebay store. I have terrific and supportive relationships with my family, friends and of course my kids. I am extremely close to my sister, my Mom and my sister-in-laws. They are my best friends.


Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Am I the only one?

I have seen hundreds of blogs written by stepmother's about their awful dealings with a bio mom and I sincerely feel for those step moms. But I have yet to see a blog where the tables are turned where the bio Mom is trying to make the shared custody situation work and the step mom is making it DIFFICULT!

I am the Mom and have to deal with a horrific step mom to my children. I share custody of my kids with my ex-husband. It's nearly 50/50. I have always been very involved with my children, yet this 2ND wife came along and felt the need to insert herself as my children's mother. She's been competing with me (by herself) for about 5 years now. I will not compete. I don't need to compete. I'm just living my life as a wife, daughter, sister, grandmother, and mother.

I was all for having my ex-husbands new wife as a friend. A companion that I would share stories about the children with. An addition to the bleachers as we watched the children compete in sports, concerts and plays together.... NOT TO BE!

From day 1, this new woman in ex-hubby's life deemed my friendship with ex-hubby, ex-in-laws, ex-brother in-laws, ex-sister in-laws INAPPROPRIATE! WHAT??? Lines were drawn in the sand. It was the beginning of the end for any hope of my children's childhood remaining peaceful. And her venom has affected almost every single member of my ex's family as some struggle to maintain their strong bonds and friendships with me. Those who have chosen to remain friends with me are not spoken too any longer by ex and his wife. (This includes 2 brothers and their wives and cousin here and there)

My oldest daughter has not spoken to her father in over 2 years. She has lost her paternal grandparents and her place in her father's side of the family. It was just easier for her, by her own decision as an adult to just drop out of the hatred and the pressure to "choose" a parent. I never made her choose. Stepmom made her choose. And so Daughter did. Who couldn't see that one coming??

Can I possibly be the only Mom who has to deal with this?

1 comment:

Erin said...

While I'm sure there are stepmoms and other stepparents out there that do make life difficult for the bio mom, you're right, you don't read about it a lot.

My heart goes out to you. I guess we can all just muddle through and hope for the best all while encouraging others along teh way.