I am the MOM and I was here FIRST!

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I am a 44 year old mother of three children and grandmother of one. I am divorced from my children's father whom I share joint physical custody of our youngest two children with. I have been married to my fabulous husband for over 9 near-perfect years. I LOVE this man! He is a wonderful generous, affectionate, tolerant and all forgiving husband. He is also a terrific step-dad/male role model to my kids and an even better grand father to our two year old grand daughter. My oldest daughter attends college to obtain her nursing degree. She has been on her own for over three years now (no longer part of a shared custody arrangement like her brother & sister) My middle daughter is in high school and plays on the freshmen volleyball & soccer teams. She's really creative and talented. My son is in middle school and plays hockey and lacrosse. He is a sweet sensitive boy who still says "I love you Mom" frequently. I work part time running an online ebay store. I have terrific and supportive relationships with my family, friends and of course my kids. I am extremely close to my sister, my Mom and my sister-in-laws. They are my best friends.


Tuesday, October 9, 2007

She sends her evil comments through my kids

I haven't had anything but recent eye contact with my children's Step mom for years now. No emails. No phone calls. No chit chats.... ZIP ... NADA... NOTHING! That's not the problem. She sends her evil nonsense to and through my kids.

Step mom won't use my name. She calls me things like... "the birth mother", "she who shall not be named", "YOUR EX-WIFE!!" and believe it or not... has referred to me as "SATAN"... etc...

Step mom solicits money from me through me children with comments such as, "We can't afford for you to text your Mother, because we're still in debt from the last time she took us to court", "If you're mom's taking you to registration, she's gonna need about $100.00", "We're not buying your yearbook, get your Mom to", "We're not buying your homecoming dress, get your Mom to", "We can barely afford food in this house from the last time your Mother took us to court" etc...

Side note:
I took "them" to court because they moved 23 miles away from me (without telling me) and TOLD me they were enrolling the two youngest kids in the school near them. WHAT??!!! No you're not! I am the stay at home Mom who takes these kids to school, who picks these kids up from school, who knows every teacher, secretary, janitor and principal in their school because I've been THAT involved since they were in pre-school. (By the way... I won the lawsuit. When you have Joint shared custody of kids, one parent cannot unilaterally try to change school districts without the other parents consent, BETTER YET KNOWLEDGE.... DUH!) "They're debt has absolutely nothing to do with me and definitely NOTHING to do with the children.

Her comments serve to alienate me and make me look bad to my children. But since they are 14 and 12, that is simply not going to happen. What she has managed to do is make my children dislike and distrust her and more importantly, wonder why their Father can't/won't save them from stepmom's hatred of a Mother that they love dearly and want to protect.


mary said...

that is so not right! The comments she makes to your kids! what does your ex think about this and have you talked to him about it?

I am the MOM said...

I am unable to speak to my ex-husband. He stopped talking to me shortly after he started dating his current wife. (She deemed our friendship "inappropriate" from the very start.) A lot of the times their step mom will say horrible things out of the presence of my ex, but other times she can't control her anger and will make an inappropriate comment in front of my ex. So I'll ask the kids "What did your Dad do?" and they tell me that "Dad tells her to be quiet" or ... "that's enough".

She has made it clear that she hates me, but I don't understand how she thinks her constant hateful comments could possibly endear my children to her. It is quite the opposite for sure.

I wish I could say something to my ex-husband, but it will just make things harder on my kids. He'll me mad and embarrassed and the kids will bear the wrath. My children trust me to vent the nonsense to. I can't betray their trust in me.

Caleb's Gram said...

I happened on your blog when I listed my occupation on my profile as "Ebay store", and you were also in the line-up!

Our templates are the same too.. LOL.

A word of encouragement. I had similar experiences as you with the Wicked Stepmother polluting the kids. The thing is... the kids do grow up, and they do see the truth.

My kids are all adults now, and the chickens have come to roost!

BTW, do you still have an ebay store?

I am the MOM said...

Thanks for the words of encouragement. A friend of mine told me a long time ago to just stay the course, stay consistent, stay loving and do not lower myself to pollute the childrens lives with what they have to put up with in their other home and they will be ok. I believe that. And as often as I have wanted to set the record straight, or fight back with words... I have always held my tongue. I know it will pay off. My kids look forward to coming here. Recently my 12 year old son said he couldn't sleep the night before (at his Dad's) cuz he was so excited to come to my house for his week here.

There's a forgiving part of me that wants everything to be alright and for all of us to get along, because I know when they get older, they will choose to eliminate that nastiness and negativity from their lives as their older sister chose to do. And I will be sorry for the kids (and their Dad) when they too will alienate themselves from their Father because their stepmother is just TOO MUCH!

Yes I still have my store, do you? You can find a link to it at the left on my blog when you scroll down a bit. Do you still have your store?

Minnie said...

I don't know if you review old comments, but I just found your blog and am in total awe.

As a step mom with full custody of one and 50/50 of the other, I can't even imagine.

I am the MOM said...

Minnie, As my childrens Mother, I would have happily made friends with my ex-husbands choice of a new wife, but she wants me to disappear. More than that she wants the history that I share with my ex and his family to disappear. I think she's totally torn sometimes when it comes to my kids. She may have loved them once in the beginning because they were her husbands children, but she hates them now because they are her husband's ex-wifes children.